It has been awhile I didn’t post any writing in this blog. I am so sorry for that and that’s why too I need to write this. For the last several months I have been busy with all my work as a doctoral student. I myself find it hard to cope with the situation that I put myself in. Sometimes I feel a lot of regrets for choosing the road that I am in. I make myself believe that I am so ready with to where this road is going to take me. Now I realize that I am not that ready to give what it takes.
I cant deny much longer that this doctoral program swallow me in whole in just one gulp. I find it difficult just to remain afloat every day. I try to give all things it may take – time, attention, concentration, and beyond all, my life. But all those things don’t seem to be enough to make me good at what I am doing.
Everyday when I woke up in the morning one question always bugged my mind; “Do I have what it takes to continue this program?” I dared not to answer the question. Hearing the question alone in my mind made me petrified and nuts. I couldn't believe what I put myself into.
Since I had been doing soul-searching. I lost my inner strength to keep fighting this never ending war of mental torments. Then I realized all I needed was there, around me all the time. So I looked for Him in a means that I never used to. I searched for Him each passing moment. My life… keeps falling towards the ground. I tried to grab and hold on to something but it was too late for me to recover from this slippery slope.
One morning while reading engineering journals for class, I found an utter peace in my mind and soul. It had been a long time inner peace found its way into my spirit. I looked out the window looking at the emerging light of dawn. I found what I had been looking for all this time. It is YOU. I look to YOU.
No comments:
Post a Comment