Turning your dreams to shames...

     This time I want to talk about thing that we don’t like to hear but it is happening everywhere and many people who listen to it just let that thing haunts them forever. Don’t worry. Let us put a BIG PERIOD to it. It is about people who like to turn other people’s dreams to shames. Yes, you heard me. There is a kind of people who live just to do this because their lives are just miserable and they want other people feel miserable too.

     All these years, I let this kind of people to take control of my life and me. I always play a passive role in my own life. Now, guess what? It is so over. I am taking charge. I don’t care what kind of crap you talk about, what kind of garbage you force into my mind. I am not going to accept them anymore. Sorry Mr. Miserable, you are so not welcome. So friends, let me tell you what kind of people they are. Give me some time to walk you down aisle by aisle. Listen carefully.

• Firstly, they try to be your friends and, of course, friends with benefits. At this very young state you feel you may have found the “bestest” friends in life.

• Next, they can’t help but to know your lifestyle. Not to label them but they are creative and will learn it by heart.

• Then, their greedy fingers get nosy into your life. They pretend to be your friends yet they are just your life-destroyers.

• In no time, you feel comfortable their existence around you. They make sure you feel that you need them. On the contrary, they need you in order to be parasites.

• Now, their little yet working scheme is infecting you. They ask you to do things you don’t want to do, or, things you shouldn't do.

• It is easy to deduce. Their existence is just to see whether you are strong or weak. If you are strong, you rise burning above the ashes. If you are weak, they pull you down into rabbit holes where misery and darkness are the only companions you have.

Then when you talk about dreams, hopes and aspirations to them they laugh. They mock you. They push you flat on the ground. When you get agitated and upset, they get angry at you and say you can’t take jokes. When you say “stop it”, they say you are a MORON. That is a world that you are living in right now. To dream-breakers, the world doesn’t need you.

FEARS, HOPES AND PERFECTION.

As a mundane human being, I fear. So I hope in order to compensate the lack of competitiveness in me. Honestly speaking, I am also a perfectionist as most of my friends may perceive me to be.

I fear, but fear of what? I fear of everything in life that is uncertain. I may never say this out loud. But when I wake up every morning, a sudden rush of fears comes down into my guts, especially when I am already 8 months in my doctoral program and nothing is done yet. Everything is at stake. My research never seems to take off; my studies are not as good as I expected; my life is a mess. What else I can say about them.

So what do I do to make everything better? I hope. I hope that my research is getting clearer and will take off soon rather than later. I hope my studies are a continual progression of completing a big jigsaw puzzle set. I hope my life is undergoing a transitional phase of fitting into a new pattern of lifestyle. Frankly, that’s what I have doing since I can remember.

In the mean time as a perfectionist, I want my life to be as flawless as humanly possible from mistakes and uncertainties. This is actually that causes a lot of friction around me. As I march forwards, it drags me.

Till a friend of mine told me it had to stop or I would stop progressing in life. It hurt me because it was so true. I stopped taking chances, fearing that it would just bring me misfortunes. By doing so, I had been missing many potential opportunities that life had to offer.

This morning I woke up with a fresh start. And I started to hope again. I hoped that I can be a man with courage, a man with hopes. I let the universe find its own course. I let go of my perfection.